Dong Quixote
Names: Dong QuixoteDong
First appears in Book 6: The Eye of the Bedlam Bride, chapter 25 (23)
Appearances
What you know
Book 7: This Inevitable Ruin
- Ch 73Dong Quixote arrives in Holger's place, mounted on Gonk, King Rust's former swamp yak, with Bigs riding behind.
- Ch 77Dong Quixote alone among the strippers kept invulnerability and avoided Eris's spell, for reasons Carl doesn't know.
- Ch 87Dong Quixote rides Gonk and has a crowd of Sluggalos following him.
Book 8: A Parade of Horribles
- Ch 25Dong calls Corcunda the most beautiful man who ever lived and storms off to free him from the Lady Dominators' garage.
- Ch 26Dong Quixote and Corcunda were lovers; Dong regrets refusing to go with Corky when he left to find his other half.
- Ch 35Dong volunteers to drive the next race; Rapture and Genesis brushed him aside when he tried to reach Corky.
- Ch 36Dong is excluded from the plan because the other Corcunda dislikes him.
- Ch 60Dong Quixote defends the stage with his giant sock, which tears open to reveal it holds only nickels, not gold.
- Ch 62Dong is dying from a curse called Negative ROI, believed to be Separation Anxiety, after his sapient sock teleported away.
- Ch 63Dong is dying; healing potions and blessings don't work, and Imani estimates he has about an hour and a half left.
- Ch 65Dong's health is deep yellow and he suffers fatigue, though he insists he feels fine as he rides into the race.
- Ch 67Dong frantically calls to Corky and gives up the driver's seat to Carl so he can help his friend.
- Ch 68Dong calls Corky 'my love' and holds the two halves together throughout the fusion despite his own health falling into the red.
- Ch 69Dong Quixote rides Corcunda in a final lance charge against Grull, bidding Carl and Donut farewell with 'Vale.'
- Ch 70Dong Quixote died in the race; Carl calls him a goddamned hero and Donut mourns him as her friend.
Connections
- ally ofCarlmercenary
- related toSpunky Jefferson the Enchanted Nickel Sock of the Elderly Miserwields it
- member ofPersonal Guard
- member of104th Naughty Little Piggies
- related toGonkGonk is Dong's mount
- friend ofCorcundabest friend
- friend ofSplash Zone
- partner ofCorcundacalls Corky 'my love'
- enemy ofPorky
- member ofPenis Parade
- friend ofPorky
Key moments
- Book 6 · Ch 66Approaching the FOSCA building
Leaving others to demolish the church, Carl leads his friends, strippers and sluggalos to the FOSCA building surrounded by docile demons waiting for Amayon's portal.
- Book 6 · Ch 72Lazarus lost to hell
Demon crabs drag Author Steve Rowland and then Lazarus into hell while the group fights down through the collapsing building.
- Book 7 · Ch 27Carl heads to the southern front
Carl ejects Samantha from Party Planner via Louis, sends the eager kids and Jamal back, and leads his Personal Guard toward the naga border.
- Book 7 · Ch 73Carl's strike team assembles
In Madness territory, Carl teleports in Katia, Imani, Splash Zone and, unexpectedly, Dong Quixote on Gonk with Bigs, then the team starts picking through the trapped prairie toward the castle.
- Book 7 · Ch 75Eris's Chaos Ritual
Eris casts Bear Witness and Bring Forth the Witnesses, freezing almost everyone outside structures on the floor and lifting them into the sky, including Carl's army and the Madness soldiers.
- Book 7 · Ch 76Carl presses on to the Madness castle
With the Madness army gone, Carl, Dong, Bigs and Jamal decide to continue the assault on the Madness castle.
- Book 7 · Ch 77Carl breaches the Madness castle
Carl, Dong, Jamal, Bigs and Rend cross the trapped field, are deshrouded, and force a back door into the Castle of the Madness, finding about twenty soldiers inside.
- Book 7 · Ch 77Madness guards confront Carl
Eighteen guards, including two conscripted crawlers, rush Carl's group; their psionic attacks fail and they meet the invulnerable Carl and Dong.
- Book 7 · Ch 78Madness castle guards defeated
Carl's group kills the Madness guards and two Viceroys, captures the conscripted crawlers Selvi and Tuba, and Bigs occupies the Madness throne room.
- Book 7 · Ch 78Houston's surgical theater
Carl finds Houston fusing himself with a dead changeling, Zeynep's mutilated corpse, and a captive Burcu, all ringed by Sheol-fire traps; Carl jumps between tables to free Burcu and loses his invulnerability.
- Book 7 · Ch 78Death of Architect Houston
The fused changeling transforms; Carl's rescue of Burcu goes wrong, the Sheol-fire traps fire, and Houston and Burcu die while Carl phases out, earning the kill and defeating the Madness.
- Book 7 · Ch 81Donut unleashes the fleshers
As her rolling ball reaches the field of corpses, Donut casts You're Not Done Yet, creating thousands of fleshers that swarm into the ball seeking enemies.
- Book 7 · Ch 81Carl stops the ball breaking
Fearing the war mages will conscript Eris or Meatus, Carl and Li Na tell Donut to stop, and Carl heals the battle formation before retreating to a saferoom.
- Book 7 · Ch 87Trapped by Lucia's second net
Carl and Donut find a second net keeping them in the Nest; as the ball breaks, Carl tells Donut to cast War Crime without fire and sends Dong to grab the trigger.
- Book 8 · Ch 13Back to the garage
After starting cleanup of the junk-filled safe room, Carl and Donut return to the garage where gremlins repair the truck and Donut gives Mongo his new hat.
- Book 8 · Ch 15Corcunda quest triggered
Carl and Donut realize the half-mantaur gimp is Dong Quixote's lost friend Corcunda; talking about it triggers a quest to reunite them and restore Corcunda's other half.
- Book 8 · Ch 24Bucket Boy mentions Corcunda
Bucket Boy blurts out to Dong that he saw Corcunda and Pontiff, something Donut had just remembered they should have warned him not to say.
- Book 8 · Ch 25Dong learns Corcunda is nearby
Bucket Boy reveals Corcunda is drugged in the Lady Dominators' garage, and Dong, Samantha and others rush to bang on its door.
- Book 8 · Ch 26Dong collapses
Dong falls ill outside the Lady Dominators' garage while Genesis and Rapture taunt him that Corky hates him.
- Book 8 · Ch 26Corcunda quest part two
The AI reveals Corcunda was split in two by a spell and tasks Carl and Donut to reunite the halves with a fleshmancer; the reward is two stand-ins summoned to the 11th-floor arena.
- Book 8 · Ch 26The sock suspicion
Imani heals Dong and privately concludes his collapse came from separation from his sapient sock, which may be sustaining him.
- Book 8 · Ch 35Aftermath of heat three
Carl and Donut limp back to the garage, learn the next race is a deadly jungle trail in seven hours, and begin rebuilding the truck with Hedy.
- Book 8 · Ch 60Brawl at the Lollipop
Dwight's attack sparks a bar-wide fight and a fire; Imani knocks Dwight out, Mongo and Dong join in, and Louis and Britney put out the flames.
- Book 8 · Ch 61Carl recruits Porky
Inside the Stage Performance Guild, Carl frees Porky's stuck zipper and persuades him to help reunite with Corky, though Porky wants revenge on Dong.
- Book 8 · Ch 62Dong's sock curse
Dong's sapient sock teleports away and leaves him dying of Separation Anxiety, which needs the sock and every lost nickel to cure.
- Book 8 · Ch 63Carl apologises to Dong
With Dong dying, Carl apologises for keeping him out of the quest and decides to bring him, Porky and the fleshmancer as mercenaries for the Corcunda reunion during the race.
- Book 8 · Ch 63Dong and Porky meet
Carl leaves Dong alone with Porky, the other half of Dong's split lover, who still wears Dong's scarf.
- Book 8 · Ch 65The factory race begins
Carl drives the truck to the factory starting line with Donut, Dong, Porky and Grigori, plans to tail the Lady Dominators, and the race starts.
- Book 8 · Ch 66Racing through the factory
Carl tails the Lady Dominators' GTO through the factory, rocket-jumping a gap between conveyor belts over vats of molten metal amid crashing rivals.
- Book 8 · Ch 67Corky revived in the truck
Grigori cures Corky's debuffs; Porky lies beside him to rejoin, and Carl retakes the wheel as the race continues.
- Book 8 · Ch 68Corky and Porky fused into Corcunda
Inside the upside-down truck, Grigori's spell and Dong's grip join the two half-mantaurs into one being named Corcunda.
- Book 8 · Ch 69Dong and Corcunda's last charge
To make Grull leave, Corcunda and Dong charge the god with a magnetised lance, smashing through the slag elementals; Grull calls it a good death and vanishes.